i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
