They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I need to stop coming to work sober
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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