I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
