I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
