I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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