it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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