im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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