Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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