the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
