Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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