I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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