Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
