Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
