you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
