those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
