So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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