6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
