im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
