got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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