Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
