woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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