Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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