I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
