I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
