I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
