Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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