Your dad touched me again.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize