how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
