threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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