Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
