I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
