So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
