worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
