I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
