so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize