just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
