I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
