I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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