That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
