so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
