he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
