Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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