Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
