Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
