I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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