Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
