I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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