Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
