first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
