it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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