i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize