I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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