my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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