Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
