Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
