I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
