Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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