I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
