i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize