Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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