I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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