Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize