I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
