DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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