I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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