There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
