No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
