I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
