Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
