he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
