i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
