i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
