STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
