Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She bit a glass in half.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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