you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
