Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
