"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize