im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
