Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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