Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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