Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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