I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
