I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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