You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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