she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
