My friends, they love my intelligence
i think i have herpe
just one?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize