So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
