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I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
