wanna go halves on a baby?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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