he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
