I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
