Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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