I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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