The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
