he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
