First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
