Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
