thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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