the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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