So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize