I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
